Welcome to my soapbox. Here you can typically expect to find my various and sundry diatribes, vituperations and general jawing on whatever it is that's on my mind at the time that I decide to post - you know, typical, self-indulgent blogging for the sake of externalizing what was previously a perfectly content internal monologue and putting it on the page for all the world to see. Again, welcome. Thanks, The Management

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Lono's Great Innovator Award

The Lono's Great Innovator Award is given out not necessarily every day, but certainly any day an invention of such usefulness becomes salient to me and I am able to triumph in its use.

Today's award goes to a man who's philanthropic tendencies rival that of the great Oscar Schindler. I am speaking of course of the inventor of the snooze button - the quintessential pot of gold at the end of the altruistic rainbow.

My newest alarm clock features a luxury previously enjoyed only by heads of state and the wealthiest of the world's citizens. Now available to the masses and bettering lives one at a time, the nine-minute snooze is a testament that all men are not inherently evil. I'd say one person was so inherently good he became a beacon of hope to the minions of sleepers that felt five or seven minute snoozes were a travesty.

No other invention can single-handedly turn waking up into a marathon of three or four nine-minute intervals. Last night, in an attempt to leave my friends at the bar, I distinctly recall declaring this morning to be an "early" one, easily warranting my midnight departure. However, somewhere between the cab ride home and waking up this morning, my unconscious self and snooze button conspired against me to delay the inevitable until 8 am. Glorious. You know, every once in awhile I really have to hand it to my unconscious self. Every once in awhile he really comes through in the clutch. This morning was one of those times.

So here's hoisting one, first, to my unconscious self. Hoist the second higher and more proudly to the man who gave us the snooze button and, more specifically, the nine-minute variety snooze button. Hip Hip Hooray for this veritable Prometheus of sleep-time. Hip Hip Hooray!


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